My Domination realization

photo by Probondage2008 on Flickr

If you didn't know, I'm a relatively new Dom. I have always liked it but never acted on it. I would meet guys and thinking back, I probably did use them. I thought that's what you did. You use guys to get you off and that's it. Well, I always felt guilty after. I am graced with a conscience. Which would nag me for days after. So I put it away and thought, well I'll never be a dom. Even though I longed for it.

This year it all changed. I had a bondage experience that really unlocked my inner dom and it was like letting the genie out of the bottle. There was no putting it back in. I met one guy online who's a sub and we talked. I realized there were guys that want to serve as much as I want to be dom. It was a need in them like my need to be dom. It wasn't "I am using them and getting nothing in return." I had a great conversation with him and subsequent ones. I think lately though I have fucked it up with him. He's not returned my IM's or anything. Yeah I fucked up and do regret it but I wasn't aware what I was doing was wrong. He pointed it out and I since changed. Looking back I should have not done it but I thought I was being in the lifestyle. Oh well, that's another story, I have apologized and if he doesn't forgive me then I will move on, It wasn't a bad infraction but not going to keep apologizing about it.

I also talked to another boy, who has since moved out of the area and we had some great conversations as well. He left to be with a leather family. But both guys gave me insight to the sub side of things. It really opened my eyes. I thought a dom relationship was a hard ass dom, getting what he wanted out of a sub. The sub was a slave with no rights and no opinions. Which I didn't agree with or could live a lifestyle. Boy was i wrong on all accounts. Yes, there are guys who do that but a big amount who don't.

I then got on FetLife and found a Sir/Boy in NYC that have exactly what I want. They have a very loving relationship that is based on just that love, and the dom/sub is in there as well. So it's a mix of both. They are in the blog roll here, A master and his slave. They are an amazing couple. I have talked to the Sir and we had some great conversations. I realize that a boy has rights, as you can see by my boys bill of rights, his own opinions, and I want one to speak up when he's not happy. I don't think you can make a boy be happy when his needs aren't being met. I want to protect my boy as well, I would love to be monogamous, which Master/boy are, but wondering how easy that is to find. I think a boy should have some freedoms and you should sit down at the start of the relationship and set all the ground rules. I think it's best to cover everything and then relax as you go. I was reading about Sir/Boy in the blog. Boy is on an allowance, he gets so much every two weeks but does have a credit card for emergencies, spending outside the budget is allowed on circumstances. I think after years together the boy can make judgement calls. As long as he explains them. I would also love to tell my boy what to wear all the time. Even to work. I would follow dress codes and not embarrass him in general pubic. In a dom/sub crowd he'd have to worry about that though!

I have found that dom/sub relationships can be loving and dom at the same time. I really want to find a relationship with a boy. It's not easy to find one in Atlanta. From what I hear from others it's just tough. But, We'll see.

This blog is kinda stream of consciousness. I am dyslexic as well so if anything doesn't make sense just hit me up. I have my IM and Email here so feel free to use it.